November 9th, 2003

Peacock

(no subject)

i didn't sleep last night after work because dad was coming to do some stuff. i'm so wiped, but have my second wind. i need to try to go to sleep soon, though.

Things with B are going well. i'm going to start referring to him as "Sir" though since that's what i call him irl and since i have another B in my life. Anyway, we talk every day. i'm hoping soon we can get together again and have an intense "get to know you" type thing. It's so hard to make myself go slwo in all this and make sure it's right. i want so badly to just dive in headfirst. That never works out, though...ever...and Sir seems very content to take things as slow as i need to. He really is so different than anything i have ever had...ever.

B is going to visit a friend in OKC tomorrow and she swears we're going to get together. i'm glad because i've missed talking with her online. i would love it if she lived closer.

i feel so sorry for my dad. he has worked so hard with M and still he's a jerk. There is such a fine fine line between love and hate, and i tread it where my brother is concerned.

i need to go back in my entries and make everything readable again. i was a moron thinking i might could fix things with Eric, so i hid it all just in case he found this. He hated before when i had an online diary and didn't tell him. He and i are on such different wavelengths, though. There is no way in th world i could ever get from him what i need. Sometimes, even though you're sub, you have to be strong with someone. It was hard, but it's over with him.

i have seen so many movies over the last 2 days...It Runs In the Family (good), Savage Messiah (excellent), The Pilot's Wife (very good), Kissing Amy Stein (wonderful), and...uhm...oh! Evelyn (excellent). i'm pretty movie'ed out right now, but Driving Miss Daisy is on in the background.

Okay, time to try to get some sleep. 2 1/2 hours inthe last 36 hours isn't good for someone over 30.