Lauren (laurenybeth) wrote,
Lauren
laurenybeth

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Only people who are kink-friendly are going to "get" this.

i asked Sir today for permission to submit to him more fully. He said next time we're together he's picking out an anklet for me to wear at all times to remind me of his control of me *shiver*

i'm a happy girl.


i'm not sure why i'm a submissive and why what thrills me does so. i wasn't abused by my parents as a kid. i had a very controlling father and a completely emotionally helpless mother. If anything, i have busted by brains out to not have their relationship or be like my mom...and i think i have succeeded. i know some people might read about what i enjoy, want, desire, etc and think it's a form of abuse. i mean, begging to be "owned" by someone...loving when he makes me follow his rules...getting all excited at the idea of being spanked and being punished and being held accountable by someone. All i can say is this...don't worry about me. It's not abuse. i'm not being forced into anything....it's not an illness or a sign of weakness or a symptom of something wrong with me. i choose to submit...i feel more complete when i do so...when i belong to someone. i've thought about it a lot over the last 7 or so years that i've been in the "lifestyle." i thought maybe it was because there was something wrong with me. Maybe my cousin molesting me when i was 6 or so did it...maybe my father being too controlling then absent did it...maybe i'm broken. i'm not, though, and it's taken a lot of soul searching and thinking to realize and accept that. It's just me.

i only write the above as an attempt to explain. i actually probably just clouded the issue more. It's part of my growth process, i guess, as well as a "please don't think i'm weird or sick" attempt.
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